


Treasure Your Love

by mistyzeo



Category: Actor RPF, Princess Bride (1987), Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crossover, M/M, Princess Bride
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 17:55:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/298474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistyzeo/pseuds/mistyzeo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen is the most perfect creature in all of creation, according to Jared. Jared will do anything for him, even though he has the tendency to be a grouch in the morning, and he just wants to make sure Jensen knows it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Treasure Your Love

**Author's Note:**

> A _Princess Bride_ AU for [](http://ordinaryink.livejournal.com/profile)[**ordinaryink**](http://ordinaryink.livejournal.com/) who wanted something of this ilk for the [Fall Fandom Free For All](http://oxoniensis.livejournal.com/489753.html?thread=30451225#t30451225). ♥

Jensen is the most perfect creature in all of creation, according to Jared. Jared will do anything for him, even though he has the tendency to be a grouch in the morning, and he just wants to make sure Jensen knows it.

"Farm boy," Jensen says, "I need more firewood. Go and chop some."

"As you wish," Jared tells him, and sweats and labors to keep his Jensen warm in the winter.

"Farm boy," Jensen says, "my coffee is cold. Make me some more."

"As you wish," Jared says, and makes another pot, even though the last one is still steaming on the countertop. Jensen is spoiled, after all, and Jared is doing his best to keep him that way.

"Farm boy," Jensen says, one night when Jared is on his way out to the stable to sleep. Jensen is wearing a flimsy nightshirt that reaches to his knees, and Jared can see the outline of his body through it, where the light comes out of the house behind him. "Stay."

"As you wish," Jared whispers, and kisses him.

As good things have a tendency to do, it doesn't last. Jared is called away to a war he doesn't care about, for a cause he doesn't understand, and he is almost killed twice. The third time he is a captive on a pirate ship, and he manages to make it clear that he'd much rather stay than be ransomed back into the army, if it's all right with them.

The captain is a formidable man with a foreigner's accent, a man named Roberts who dresses all in black and strikes fear into the hearts of even his own crew sometimes. But he is a benevolent dictator, and he agrees to take Jared on as a landlubber. Roberts takes Jared under his wing, teaches him to sail and grooms him for leadership, and one day he says, "Jared, it's time I told you something very important."

His name is Inigo, not Roberts, and he inherited the position of Dread Pirate. He offers it to Jared.

Jared thinks of Jensen, thinks of the years and the miles and the ocean between them, and accepts. He is the captain of the ship for two years before he hears of Jensen's impending nuptials and subsequent abduction. He sets a course for home.

  


Jared has never been very good at climbing cliffs, but at least his strength and dexterity are serving him here as they would on a ship. Jensen is in trouble, and Jared has to ascend a thousand feet to get to him. Jared's arms burn with the effort, and his boots slip on the old rope, but he keeps going.

When he reaches the top, there is a man waiting. He helps Jared up the last few feet, graciously allows him to rest, and then draws his sword.

Jared thinks of Jensen, how close he is now after all this time, and fights him. He knocks the man unconscious, regretting it because he really was an excellent swordsman, and takes off at a run in the only direction Jensen could have gone.

A giant is waiting for him. The giant wants to fight him mano-a-mano. Jared is fucked. He hasn't trained enough for this. He relies on wit and speed, darting around where the giant can't get to him (and it is a feat: Jared is not a small man himself, but this fellow is truly gigantic). He chokes the giant until the giant sags to the ground, and Jared can get away.

Jensen is wearing a blindfold. He is sitting on a rock beside a little, wicked looking man with a smirk on his face. He turns towards the sound of Jared's voice, calm and resigned, and he is even more beautiful than Jared remembers him being. Jared's heart is breaking, and Jensen is right in front of him.

"A test of wits," the wicked little man says.

Jared wins. Jared doesn't even have to trick him: he really has built up a tolerance to poison. Being a pirate is risky business, and people are always trying to dupe Jared out of the position of captain. He has to be prepared, and one of the tricks Inigo taught him has paid off. The wicked little man falls dead in the middle of a tirade, and Jared doesn't feel bad about his death. He does feel bad about not knocking the man aside and declaring his devotion for Jensen, so he hides behind the Dread Pirate mask and unties his lover.

"Who are you?" Jensen demands.

 _Your farm boy,_ Jared wants to say. "I am the Dread Pirate Roberts," he says instead, pulling Jensen to his feet and escorting him quickly towards the forest. Jared has been followed for the last hour, and he knows the kingdom is the enemy. Especially when it comes to Jensen.

Jensen pulls away, suddenly furious. "You killed him!" Jensen shouts. "He was everything to me, and you killed him!" He gives Jared a shove, and Jared misses his footing on the top of the hill. It's a long way down, but he can hear Jensen crying, "Rot in hell!"

"As you wish!" he shouts back, rolling head over heels and unable to stop himself. He ends up on his back in the valley, staring uncomprehending at the spinning sky, when Jensen slams into his side.

"Jared," Jensen is gasping, palming Jared's face and pushing his mask away, "Jared, oh my god, it is you, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."

"It's all right," Jared says, cupping Jensen's chin and pulling him close, almost on top of himself, "it's all right."

And then he's kissing Jensen again, for the first time in five years, kissing him like his life depends on it. Jensen is moaning, clutching at him, practically trying to wriggle his way right into Jared's Dread Pirate trousers.

"We have to go," Jared says, tearing himself away. "The prince is in your tail-- or my tail-- and we don't have time for this."

Jensen mutters, "Fuck," and straightens himself out.

"This way," Jared says. He grabs Jensen's hand and pulls him, at a run, into the swamp.

  


"You know," Jensen says, close to Jared's ear, "you could put me down any time."

"But I'm the hero," Jared says. He has Jensen in his arms, Jensen's legs over one elbow and Jensen's arms locked tight around his neck.

"Put me down," Jensen demands.

"As you wish." Jared drops him, just roughly enough to make him stumble and scowl, and takes his hand again. "You're having trouble with the fireswamp, that's all."

"I am _not_ having trouble--" Jensen splutters, and Jared yanks him away from another popping hole in the ground. Flame shoots out, right where Jensen was standing, barely missing the edge of Jared's sleeve where he has his arm around Jensen's shoulders.

"Well," Jared says, "fine, but if you catch on fire again I'm going back to the carrying."

  


Getting out of the swamp again isn't as much of a reprieve as Jared hoped it would be. Actually it's a fucking disaster, with the prince and his posse riding right up to them, stopping them in their tracks.

"Don't hurt him," Jensen says suddenly. "I'll come with you, so long as you swear not to hurt him."

The prince gives Jared an unsettling, false smile, and says, "Of course not, my love."

Jared wants to vomit. Instead he gets to watch Jensen riding away with the prince, and then the moment Jensen is out of sight, Jared gets a knock on the head.

  


When Jared comes to, his head is aching and all of his extremities are numb. He finds he can't move them very well, or at all, and then he's face to face with the palest imitation of a man he's ever seen.

"Morning!" the man says. "Sorry about all this, I know it's a bit inconvenient, but-- prince's orders, you know."

"I certainly do not know," Jared protests, spluttering. The man is now wiping his face with a warm, wet rag, and Jared can see it coming away bloody.

"Just a little scalp wound," the man assures him. "Nothing to worry about."

"Oh, good," Jared says.

"But I'm about to hook you up to the machine, and you're welcome to worry about that."

Jared grimaces. "Thank you."

He doesn't have time to worry, really, with the pain that courses through his body when the machine begins to rumble. It feels like his skin is being pulled from his muscle, his muscles torn from his bones, and his bones ground up into a fine powder and sprinkled into the ocean. He feels sea sick, and heartsick, and wouldn't mind death if it didn't mean that he'd never see Jensen again. He holds onto consciousness with his fingernails, his teeth, but eventually the tide pulls him under, and he is dead.

  


Jared wakes up after being dead, and it isn't a lot of fun. His throat tastes like bile and chocolate, and he can only move his fingers. The giant and the swordsman have him in their arms, and they look like they've forgiven him for besting them in combat. They're smiling. Thank god.

"The prince is getting married tonight," the giant tells Jared, and Jared manages to shake his head.

"No," he says, "not to my boyfriend he's not."

They steal a wheelbarrow and light a scarecrow on fire, and Jared's reputation precedes him. The Flaming Dread Pirate Roberts has no trouble at all walking right into the palace at the front gate. The giant and the swordsman carry Jared as far as a hallway deep in the palace, leaving him propped up against a stone statue of a mer-coyote (which is creepy as shit and makes Jared nervous) while they rush off to fight Jared's enemies. The swordsman is shouting something about revenge, and the giant goes after him.

Jared finds his footing, wobbling madly, and stumbles his way down the hall. He has to lean heavily on the stone wall, scraping his shoulder and elbow, but he finds a door that's unlocked and falls in. The bed looks really inviting, soft and squishy and indulgent, and Jared knows that he shouldn't stop moving but he can't quite help himself. Part of him still thinks he's dead and he should quit all this walking about business.

He drags himself into the bed and decides his boots are allowed to come too. He's staring at the ceiling and wondering if he shouldn't go ahead and die again after all, since he's a useless fuck who can't save his true love for the life of him, when the door opens.

Jensen walks in, his face in his hands, and makes a bee-line for the desk. He sits, facing away from a speechless Jared, and draws a knife from the drawer. He stares at it for a moment, the light glinting off it's honed edge, and then rests it against his gorgeous throat.

"Wait," Jared manages, finally.

Jensen jumps, jerking the knife away from his neck, and turns around.

"Don't do that!" he snaps, throwing the knife back into its gilded box and launching himself across the room. "Jesus, you scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry," Jared says, nuzzling into Jensen's hands and accepting Jensen's wandering kisses, "I just didn't want you to ruin your shirt."

"Fuck my shirt," Jensen says, tearing at the collar of it, "I just got married to a gormless pig of a prince who tried to kill you."

"Succeeded," Jared says.

" _Married_ ," Jensen says again, and his eyes are shining with unshed tears. Jared kisses him awkwardly, dragging his heavy hands up to pat at Jensen's shoulders.

"Did you say 'I do'?" he asks.

"What?"

"'I do,'" Jared presses, "Did you say it?"

"Everything was so fast." Jensen shakes his head. "I don't know. I don't think so."

"Then it doesn't count." Jared can feel his elbows again, and his knees. He wiggles his toes in his boots and hopes the paralysis doesn't last too long. He's getting the impression that his dick would be into this little tableau too if it weren't totally nerveless. Jensen is straddling his lap and if Jared were a proper hero he'd be taking advantage of the situation.

"Thank god," Jensen whispers, "thank god."

The prince walks in then, of course, because Jared's life is terrible. Jensen, to his credit, doesn't quite leap off Jared's lap, but he does elbow Jared in the side pretty hard. If Jared could feel it, he would be in pain.

"God damn it," the prince says, "do I have to kill you again?"

"You can try," Jared says, "but I doubt it will be as much fun as the first time, you vomit-breathed pile of gelatin."

"Excuse me?" The prince looks a little put out. "I don't think anyone's ever said anything like that to me before."

"Get used to it," Jared snaps, "because when I'm done with you it'll be an every day occurrence. Have you ever had third degree burns over fifty percent of your body? Have you ever had to crawl on your knees and elbows because a pirate has cut off your hands and feet?"

"No," the prince says slowly, "I don't suppose I have. Can you get up, please, so that we can settle this?"

"I don't feel like it," Jared says. Jensen is staring at him, his eyes wide. Jared has to win this one. He has to keep the prince from drawing his sword until the directions he's giving his arms and legs take effect and he can stand up. "I'm enjoying contemplating the noise your nose-hole will make when it's missing its cartilage. I'm picturing what your skin will look like when it's burned to a crisp in hot oil."

"You're bluffing," the prince says, "you don't have hot oil nearby."

"Maybe not," Jared says, climbing out of bed belatedly. "But maybe I've got it sitting outside so that it will pour on you as you run from this room in terror. Maybe I've got two henchmen waiting in the hall with their swords so sharp they can cut hair on water. Maybe you shouldn't risk it, and you should drop yours right now."

The prince's sword clatters to the ground.

"Tie him up, will you?" Jared asks Jensen, who yanks the ties from the bed's curtains and binds the prince tightly to the desk chair. The prince grimaces, and Jared's knees give out. He sags against the bed.

"I knew it!" the prince shrieks. "I knew you were bluffing!"

"Shut your fucking face," Jensen says, and slaps the prince so hard Jared winces.

The swordsman, who was probably not in the hallway the whole time, rushes in. He's bleeding, but he's upright, which is more than Jared can say right now.

"Where's Pierre?"

Pier- oh right. "I thought he was with you."

The swordsman shakes his head.

There's a shout from the courtyard below. "Oy! Are you two lovebirds ready to get the hell out of here?"

"Yes," Jensen breathes, grabbing Jared's hand. "Can you--?"

"I'll be fine." Already Jared can straighten his legs again. In the time it will take them to get back to Jared's ship, he might be back in full commission. Awesome. He needs to remind himself of every place on Jensen's body that makes Jensen shiver.

They make an improbable leap out the window, and Pierre is ready for them. He sets Jared gently atop a snow-white horse and hands him the reins, and when Jensen launches himself out the window after, Pierre tucks him securely behind Jared's back. Jensen wraps his arms around Jared's waist, and the four of them ride off into the night.

Jared doesn't get his victory kiss for four hours, not until they're miles from the palace and deep into the wilderness again. When they do finally stop, near dawn, he can feel every inch of his own body and he sweeps Jensen into his arms. Jensen clutches at him, gasping and laughing, and Jared kisses him with every ounce of passion he's ignored for the past five years. He feels like he's pouring his own soul into Jensen's sweet, open mouth, and Jensen is giving it all right back. Jared slides his hands up under Jensen's white silk tunic and gets his hands on skin, and the giant clears his throat loudly.

"Margo and I are going to, uh. Set up camp. Over there. Join us when you're ready."

Jensen drags Jared to the ground. It isn't beautiful, and it isn't sweet and tender like Jensen's wedding night should be. It's rough and frantic and Jensen shouts aloud when he comes. Jared is right behind, sobbing into Jensen's bare shoulder, and afterwards they lay on Jared's ragged Pirate cloak, as close as two bodies can get.

"Farm boy," Jensen whispers against Jared's lips, "never leave me again."

And Jared murmurs back, "As you wish."

  


  



End file.
